How to stay sane when being insane
by Hellen says what's up
Summary: Modern AU. Eponine is put into a mental asylum for being different. She meets other people…people just like her. People she now calls family. Eponine/Combeferre (later on), E/R, Marius/Cosette, Jehan/Courfeyrac. First fic. No flames. T to be safe.
1. I

How to stay sane when being insane

**Eponine POV**

I'm not insane. I'm not insane. I'm not insane.

That's what I keep telling myself, and yet I still find it hard to believe. I see things I probably shouldn't be seeing. I do things that normal people don't usually do…but I'm not insane. Although, mother and father seemed to disagree…that's why they're sending me there, you see. They first found out that I was 'insane' when I started talking to myself in my bedroom. Like I said, I see things that aren't there. It scares me sometimes. It gives me headaches.

When I arrived at the hellhole I now call my home, they asked me questions, took away my things and gave me a set of clothes that I was forced to wear. They then threw me into a room where they told me I must stay until told otherwise.

I always pictured it like this. Yellow bricked up walls and tiny beds. Air so damp you could practically see it. Filth staining the walls. Red. Probably blood. Green. Probably fungus. Brown. Probably mud.

A man, who I was most likely going to be sharing a room with, sat on one of the beds with a light blue ukulele in his hands. The ukulele was practically the only thing in the room with decent colour. The man was staring into space, strumming a little tune on his ukulele. It was a rather jolly tune for someone who was in a mental asylum. He hummed along to it, so quietly that I could hardly hear him. He had slightly curled dark hair and emerald green eyes, kind of like a snake. He wasn't bothering me in any way, so I decided not to say anything. I climbed onto my bed and curled up on one corner of the mattress. I sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment when the man suddenly stopped strumming his ukulele. The sudden silence slightly startled me. He turned his head to me and plainly said, "Hi."

I knew I was the only other person in the room, but I turned to check anyway. He might have been talking to…someone else. "Hi."

"You must be Eponine. They told me you're just as sane as I am." He said with a slight chuckle.

I blinked my eyes a couple of times. "I guess that depends…how sane are you?"

The man shrugged. "Well…I think of myself as sane. What do you think yourself as?"

I sat silent for a moment. Then I said, "Sane, but not normal."

The man seemed to like my answer. "You amuse me."

"…I like you too...um, sorry, what's your name?"

The man furrowed his eyebrows for a second, "Sorry what? I didn't catch that. I'm deaf in one ear."

I nodded. "What's your name?"

The man strummed his ukulele, "Nicolas Grantaire. You can call me Nicolas if you wish…but everyone calls me Grantaire…or R…most people call me R…or drunken cynic… or mad hatter… or just…creep…but R's fine."

I fiddled with my nails. "Well, I'm Eponine Thenardier. You can call me Thenardier, but Eponine's fine."

"Can I call you 'Ponine?" Grantaire asked.

I shrugged. "Sure." Grantaire smirked and continued to strum on his ukulele. "So…what do you do around here?"

"Sorry what?" he asked.

"What do you do around here?" I asked again.

"Well, we have group sessions. They basically give us medication…tell us to talk about our feelings...it's maddening…which is ironic really." I couldn't help but giggle. "We also have other things here…to entertain our brains they say. It sucks. The only time I enjoy being here is…" Grantaire then seemed to trail off and forget what he was going to say. He then went back to strumming on his ukulele. I sighed. "You make friends here though. People just like you and I. People that understand us."

"No one really understands me." I said honestly.

"That's what I thought before I came here... but here, I have people who think of me as family."

…

**No POV**

Later that day, Eponine and Grantaire were let out to go to session one. They were led by the guards to a large hall. The guards budged them inside and then shut the door. It closed with a loud echoed clank. Eponine felt a little awkward, not knowing any of the people around her. She stood there, looking around the room. It was simple really. There were a few tables and chairs, packs of cards, board games. Nothing exciting.

A group started walking over to where Grantaire and Eponine stood by the metal door. Grantaire smiled at the sight of them. "Hey R." A tall blonde, curly haired man approached the two, "Who's your new friend?" Grantaire let out a silent sigh and the blonde man embraced him. Grantaire purred quietly and hid his face in the man's shoulder whilst the blonde stroked his hair. Eponine raised an eyebrow. Attitude change much. The man smiled. "Sorry, I don't believe we've met." He said to Eponine. "You're Grantaire's new roommate I presume."

Eponine nodded. "Yeah. My name's Eponine."

"I'm Enjolras. These are my Amis. Combeferre, Jehan, Courfeyrac, Marius and Cosette." They all gave slight smile at the newcomer.

"Nice to meet you guys." Eponine said.

After a while of getting to know each other, they all went off to do their own thing. Enjolras and Grantaire sat by a table at the far side of the room with Grantaire's head nuzzled in the crook of Enjolras' neck. A blonde woman, apparently known as Cosette, and her freckled boyfriend, Marius, were doing a strange ballet style dance in the middle of the room. A young chap with honey coloured hair, Jehan, and a slightly older looking lad, Courfeyrac, sat by a different table, sharing a bottle of whatever, wondering if it was alcoholic or not. They could hardly tell these days. Eponine stood with her back against the wall, looking out on the people. The Amis seemed like the only slightly sane people around.

A young man with a pair of cracked silver wired glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose walked over to where Eponine stood and leant against the wall next to her. He cleared his throat and said. "Bonjour."

"Oh, hey." Eponine said back. "You're Combeferre right?"

Combeferre nodded. "Glad you haven't forgotten my name already." Eponine looked the man up and down. He seemed completely fine. Why was he here? Eponine shrugged and looked at the people in the room.

"What's the deal with Cosette and Marius?"

Combeferre raised an eyebrow. "Huh, typical lovebirds. They were brought in on the same day. They fell in love and became inseparable. They're roommates. Happy as a pair of clowns…perhaps a little too happy for my liking, but whatever."

Eponine laughed. "And what about Enjolras and Grantaire. Are they a couple?"

"No one really knows. It's strange really. I've known both of them for quite a few years now. Before Enjolras came to the house, Grantaire was less…cheery, you might say. He came to this place emotionally unstable. He suffered from anorexia, bipolar, depression…all kinds of stuff. But then Enjolras got here and his world seemed to change. He loves Enjolras and Enjolras loves him, they just never tell each other so."

Eponine looked over at the two who sat at the table on the other side of the room with their fingers interlocked, sitting as close as possible, next to each other. "Well isn't that a sickeningly cute love story." Eponine then glanced at Jehan and Courfeyrac that were now playing a game of cards. "What about them?"

Combeferre smirked. "They're a cute couple indeed. Jehan's a poet you see. He likes to write poetry about Courfeyrac. They fell in love over a period of seven days. Courfeyrac got time out of the house for a bit for good behaviour. When he came back, he had one of Jehans' poems tattooed on his back."

Eponine giggled. "I don't get it. You guys all seem fine. I don't see why you're all in here."

Combeferre sighed. "…We're not as…simple as we may look, Miss Thenardier. We're all different in our own ways." Eponine looked over at Combeferre who had taken his glasses off and was fiddling with them in his fingertips. "Jean Prouvaire never used to be the happy young man that he is. Before he came here, he used to write poems for a news article. After a while, he ran out of 'happy' things to write about, and over time his poetry just turned into a form of expressing depression. I'm not sure if it's true, but there are rumours that he once wrote one of his poems on his bedroom wall in his own blood."

Eponine cringed. "Yikes."

"…It's probably not true though. I mean, can you really picture that man painting in blood?"

Eponine glanced over at Jehan. Joyful. Youthful. Playful. Those were the first words that came to Eponine when she looked at that man. "Well, what about the others?"

Combeferre shrugged. "They all have their stories."

"Eh, I'm sure they won't mind if you told me." Eponine said with a smirk.

Combeferre chuckled. "You're funny…well, Courfeyrac's in here for a number of reasons. Stuff like hallucinations. He can see stuff that's not there. It used to affect him pretty badly because he couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. He's getting better though. Rumour has it, he'll be out of here in a couple of months."

"That's good."

Combeferre shrugged. "I don't know. Courfeyrac's grown to love the people in here. We're like his family. It wouldn't be the same without him." Combeferre sighed, placing his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. "Cosette's in here for burning down her dance studio. She used to be a dancer."

"She burnt down her dance studio?"

"Yes. I'm not sure why, but, she did. They tagged her mad for it."

"And Marius?"

"Um…I'm not sure. You'll have to ask him yourself. Something to do with his grandfather." Combeferre replied with a shake of the head.

"Ok…what about the others then?"

"Enjolras is in here because he stood in the middle of the motorway for five hours shouting at the police who were threatening to shoot at him. He had ideas…great ideas actually, but no one wanted to listen to him. That's why he feels the way he does. Grantaire felt like he could connect with Enjolras because, in a way, they're not that different. They both have trouble expressing their emotions."

"Yeah...but at the same time they're complete opposites." Eponine said, watching them. Enjolras was loud and wasn't afraid to be, whilst Grantaire was quiet and socially awkward. They fit together like puzzle pieces.

"…And why are you here?"

Combeferre shrugged. "I was accused of something I didn't do." He said with a smile. "But it's in the past. I'd rather not talk about it."

Eponine nodded. "…Right."


	2. Am

**I had fun writing this. I hope you like it. Feedback would be really helpful. Pointers are good too.**

Later that day down in the lunch hall…

Eponine didn't know what it was, but, whenever she turned around, she could swear that someone was following her, but then again, perhaps that was just the place itself. Eponine shook her head…but she couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable.

Eponine wasn't too keen on eating any of the food they provided. The porridge was ice cold and the toast was dry and stale, like a rock. Eponine sighed and took a slice of the toast anyway. She walked over to one of the tables at the very back of the miserable hall and took a seat. A few seconds later, Jehan and Courfeyrac took a seat next to her. "Hey 'Ponine." Jehan said with a smile that was cuter than a puppy.

"Hey." She said, taking a struggled bite out of her toast.

"How's life?" Courfeyrac asked.

"…Kind of sucks considering this morning I was in my warm bed and now…I'm here." Eponine said, rolling her eyes at herself.

"Eh, you'll get used to living here. You might even learn to love it. I know I did." Jehan said, smirking at Courfeyrac.

"Yeah, this place is hell, but I've got Prouvaire to stop me from falling." He chuckled, ruffling the guy's hair. Jehan smiled. Combeferre, Marius and Cosette then joined the table. Cosette was dressed in some sort of black tutu and leotard.

"Hey guys." Marius said.

"Hey." They all said back. "Where's Enj' and 'Taire?" Cosette asked curiously, fiddling with the shiny silver ring that was placed on her finger. Eponine eyed the ring inquisitively. It had words engraved on the side, but she couldn't make them out.

"Library." Courfeyrac replied, taking a gulp of his orange juice that sat on the table.

Eponine raised an eyebrow. "This place has a library?"

Combeferre nodded. "Yes, though we've all pretty much read every single book in there."

"Enjolras likes to go there to 'think'." Courfeyrac said with a smirk. "Says it's the only place where he can actually gain some sanity."

"Although, let's face it, it's impossible to 'gain sanity' in this place, no matter how quiet it seems." Jehan said, fiddling with a lock of Courfeyrac's chocolate brown hair.

Combeferre glanced at the clock that hung on the greyish blue wall. "Speaking of sanity, I got to go." He said, standing from his place at the table and brushing himself off.

"Where you going?" Marius asked.

"Private therapy." He said with a half-smile. "See you later guys." He slowly exited the hall, the door closing behind him and letting out a ghostly bang as it shut.

"Private therapy?" Eponine questioned.

"It's when you sign up for sessions with a therapist." Jehan explained, "Combeferre's had quite a few over the past month. Wonder if he's ok."

"Eh, I'm sure he's fine. He's always fine." Marius said, holding Cosette's hand in his own.

"You can never be sure though. He doesn't really talk about his private life much. He likes to keeps to himself." Jehan said.

"So, do any of you guys know why he's in here?" Eponine asked.

"No. Like I said, he doesn't like to talk about stuff like that." Jehan replied. "Although he is Enjolras' best friend. Perhaps Enjolras knows…though I doubt he'd ever tell you."

…

Meanwhile…

Enjolras stood by a bookcase of worn-down and tatty old books. He ran his finger down the spine of one of the books. 'The history of Revolution'. He smirked. He gently pulled the book from its place on the shelf. This was one of the first books he'd read when he came to the house. It talked of justice and freedom. Life changing revolutions that made the world what it is today. Enjolras had read this book about seven times already, and yet, he still found it hard to process the little details.

Enjolras flipped through the broken and slightly torn pages of the book. As he did so, Grantaire came up to him from behind and gave him a hug, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Enjolras jumped slightly in surprise but then he realised who it was. "Hey." He said with a smile.

Enjolras smirked. "Hey…"

Grantaire noticed Enjolras' tone of voice. If it were anyone else, they wouldn't have noticed, but Grantaire knew, Enjolras' voice went about two notes lower than usual when he was depressed. It was something only Grantaire and Combeferre could really pick up on. "Something wrong?"

"Nah, I'm fine…" He said, placing the book back into its slot on the shelf.

"Are you ill?" Grantaire asked, turning Enjolras towards him so he could see his face.

"No…I've just been thinking…do you…do you miss the world out there as much as I do?" Enjolras asked.

"…I don't miss it. The people out there hated me." Grantaire said. And in all honesty, he wasn't half wrong. Grantaire had been hated on throughout his entire life. The only time he was ever seen as normal was when he came here.

"People just don't understand what it's like in our heads." Enjolras said with a smile that Grantaire knew from memory. "And they probably never will…but I miss the outside world. It's like if you tell a man never to eat an apple again. The longer he stays away from the sweet fruit, the more he craves it."

Grantaire nodded, staring down at his feet. Enjolras had a desire to escape this hell…he knew that perfectly well. Grantaire would do anything to set the man free…but it was not in his power. Grantaire also wondered, if Enjolras ever did leave the asylum, what was he supposed to do? Grantaire felt nothing without his Apollo. "I suppose…"

Enjolras took a step towards him so their noses were almost touching. Enjolras tilted Grantaire's chin up with his thumb. "I'd never leave this place without you."

Grantaire managed a smile.

…

Later that day…

Eponine and the other Amis were in the middle of a group session. They were in a room with a wall mirror stretched across one of the walls. On the other side sat a row of chairs. Cosette watched her reflection in the mirror as she braided her silky blonde hair and tied it into a long tail that went down the back of her neck. Eponine never thought that it was necessary to care this much about your appearance when you're in a mad house. But Cosette liked to spend her time checking her hair and makeup, making sure she looked gorgeous.

Marius walked over to Eponine who he had noticed was staring at Cosette. Marius smiled. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

Eponine shrugged. "Whatever."

Marius laughed. "Well, in my eyes at least, she is perfect. Beautiful, elegant and just plain perfect." Eponine rolled her eyes. She wasn't sure if she was jealous of Cosette's beauty or jealous of the attention she got _because _of her beauty.

"If she's so perfect, why's she here?" Eponine asked, trying not to sound too bitter, and failing.

Marius shrugged. "Well, I'm not sure I should tell you her story."

Eponine raised an eyebrow. "Either way I'm going to find out. Just tell me." She said.

Marius sighed. "Fine. I couple years ago, Cosette was a ballet dancer. She loved to dance. It was practically all she did. She didn't talk to people because she felt uncomfortable doing so."

"She talked to me earlier."

"Well, she's getting better isn't she? She used to be as silent as a mouse. Anyway, she got a part in a ballet at the Royal Swan ballet studio. She rehearsed for months. But, unfortunately, she was kicked off the production at last minute."

"Why?"

Marius shook his head. "They found someone better I guess…Cosette couldn't express her anger. She couldn't scream or yell because she couldn't find her voice. In the end, she burnt the ballet studio to the ground."

Eponine smirked. Cosette looked sweet and innocent, but of course, that wasn't really her. The real her sets fire to buildings and watches them burn. "And now everyone thinks she's mad?"

"Exactly…which she kind of is." Marius admitted, "But she's the good kind of mad." Eponine just rolled her eyes. There is no such thing as a good kind of mad. There is only mad and sane.

A few minutes later, Combeferre came back from his private therapy, not saying a word to anyone. He rubbed his eyes which had gone slightly red. Perhaps he'd been crying. "Hey 'Ferre." Courfeyrac called over to him. "You alright? You look a little down."

Combeferre shook his head, "No, I'm fine. Just a little tired…" Combeferre sat down at the back of the hall. His head seemed to be in the clouds. Eponine wondered…why was this man so secretive about his personal life? What was he hiding? Enjolras walked over to Combeferre and started talking with him.

Enjolras and Combeferre were practically brothers. When Enjolras first came to the asylum, he shared a room with Combeferre. At first, they somewhat resented each other, however, once they started getting to know each other, they became closer and closer until they were inseparable best friends.

Eponine wished she had a best friend during her childhood. Perhaps she wouldn't have gone completely mental.

…

Later that day…

Eponine decided to take a trip to the library. She found Combeferre was already standing at the end of the hall, sorting through a pile of books. Eponine was intrigued by this man. He seemed like a simple charming young man on the surface…but on the inside hid a mysterious past. Eponine wanted to know what this man had done. What kind of crime had he committed? Why was he hiding it from everyone?

Eponine walked over to Combeferre who was placing a load of books into the shelf. "Hi." Eponine said with a smile.

"Oh, hi, sorry, I didn't see you there." Combeferre said, returning her smile.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Eponine said. "What you doing?" she asked.

"Well, someone's got to take care of this place." Combeferre said with a slight chuckle.

"You know you're really organised. Real disciplined. You'd probably make a pretty good father."

Combeferre laughed. "Well, thanks."

There was a moment of not-so-awkward silence, when Eponine then said, "Can I ask you something?"

"That depends on the question."

"Is something wrong? I mean, honestly. You seem really depressed." Eponine said, leaning her back against one of the bookcases.

Combeferre shrugged. "I'm just a little down."

"Why?"

There was a silence for a moment. The only sound was the ticking of the wall clock. The ticking seemed to be awfully slow. "It's visiting day tomorrow. Did you know?" Eponine shook her head. "You know…everyone's got someone to love outside these walls. Marius has his grandfather, Cosette has her dad, Courfeyrac has his sisters, Jehan has his little brother and Enjolras has his parents."

"Grantaire doesn't have anyone." Eponine pointed out.

"Grantaire grew up without anyone. He's used to it…plus, he has Enjolras now. Me, I've got no one."

Eponine tilted her head slightly, "What about your family?"

Combeferre tapped his fingers against the book case. "I…don't have one." He said. Eponine couldn't tell what Combeferre was thinking. His face seemed emotionless, but then again, Combeferre seemed like the kind of man that wouldn't make it obvious if he was hurting.

"In a way I don't exactly have a family. Well, I do, but, they hate me. They're horrible human beings. Criminals." Eponine said in an attempt to make Combeferre feel better.

Combeferre smirked. "Don't talk about your family like that…one day, they just might disappear."

**Tell me your thoughts! I didn't spend long on this chapter, so I apologise if it's not as detailed as it should/could have been**


	3. not

**I'm probably never going to get my French homework done now. I hope you're happy. Not proof read**

Eponine's POV

Midnight…

I was woken up by the terrifying sound of breaking glass and crashing metal. I sat up in bed, startled by the sound. Grantaire wasn't in his bed. The sound had come from inside the bathroom. I peered into the room. Grantaire was leaning over the sink with his head ducked low. His breathing was fast and heavy. The mirror that hung above the sink had been smashed, resulting in a web of sharp, thin cracks plastered on the surface. I walked over and had to stop my jaw from dropping. Grantaire had hit the mirror with his fist and had shards of glass stuck in his hand which was now painted with light drops of blood. Grantaire wasn't crying, but his eyes were wide and somewhat terrifying. It was something I'd only seen in my dreams.

…

Later that night…

Eponine had called Combeferre and the others to help Grantaire out. They'd sat the confused man down on the edge of the bed. Combeferre had started cleaning Grantaire's cuts and gently removing the shards of glass. Grantaire didn't look to be in pain. Enjolras sat by his side. Grantaire didn't say a thing, he just held onto Enjolras' hand as though he never wished to let go.

Eponine sat on her bed and watched whilst Combeferre cleaned the blood off Grantaire's hand. "How'd this happen?" He asked. Eponine assumed he was asking her.

"I'm not sure. I just heard a smash and…"

Combeferre shrugged. "It's ok. It's happened before. Grantaire has trouble expressing his emotions. Before you ask, it's not a disease. He just can't do it. He was taught to keep his emotions hidden when he was a child. Sometimes, anger just builds up. It can happen to anybody."

"Even you?"

"It _has _happened to me." Combeferre said, wrapping a cloth around Grantaire's hand and tying it to stop the bleeding. "Enjolras, you should probably stay here tonight." Enjolras nodded. "Eponine, you wouldn't mind sleeping in my room for the next couple of days would you?"

"Sure."

…

The next day…

Eponine was lead into an empty room. The walls were painted plain white. The only thing in the room was a small wooden chair. The guards shut the door behind her. Eponine stood there for a moment. She then slowly walked over to the chair and took a seat. She sat there for what felt like hours. She unconsciously started tapping her feet and fiddling with her fingers.

Suddenly, the door opened again, and Azelma and Gavroche pocked their heads though the door. Eponine smirked. "You have one hour." The guard said, closing the door behind them.

Eponine couldn't help but smile at her young siblings. "Hey guys."

"Hey Eponine." Gavroche said, tilting his little cap. "How you been?" he asked.

"Good…kind of. How's mum and dad?"

"Losing their minds, as usual." Azelma said with a giggle. Azelma carried a basket of things with her. She handed the basket over to Eponine. "Some of your stuff from home. We also got you flowers."

Eponine smiled and took the basket gratefully. "Thanks."

"We've missed you Ep'." Azelma said with a pout. "When do you think they're going to let you out of this place?"

Eponine shrugged. "When they've decided that I can be classified as 'normal'."

Gavroche sighed. "I don't get why you're even here. You were fine before. Mum and dad are just taking the piss."

Eponine smirked. "I'll survive. Don't worry. You guys got to take care of yourselves, got it? Look after each other." Gavroche and Azelma nodded. "Now, give your big sis a hug."

"Ugh, no." Gavroche said, pulling a face. Eponine raised an eyebrow and tackled her two siblings, making them laugh. She pulled them into a tight hug and sighed.

…

Enjolras' POV

Later that day…

My family is a real piece of work, you know. I'm not like them. I'll never be like them. I don't want to be like them. Apparently I'm the disgrace in the family. No. I'm not the disgrace. I'm sane. Being different doesn't make you mad or insane or loopy. It just makes you _you. _

My parents came in to see me today. I don't know why they bother. It's not like I enjoy their company. I hate them. I hate them more than anything in the world…but I can't hurt them…and they can't hurt me. It's just how it works. Every time they come and visit, we pretend like there's nothing wrong, like everything's normal. Sometimes I refuse to talk to them. Other times, I talk to them because they're part of my old life…I miss my old life. I don't miss t_hem, _but I miss my old life.

Combeferre had gone off to private therapy again. That's the fifth time this week. Sometimes I worry about him. He's been through a lot. With his family and…sorry, that's not my story to tell. Combeferre's strong. He can look after himself. He looks after everyone here. He's like the loving brother I wish I had.

I knelt beside my bed, peering underneath the side. Montparnasse and his gang of miscreants have obviously been here. Last year, they practically robbed Marius dry. It took about six months of pay to get all his stuff back. Luckily they didn't take that much. Unluckily they took my jacket. That's not cool. That's just plain evil.

Grantaire and Marius walked into my room, so silently that if it wasn't for the door opening and closing, I would have never noticed them coming in. "Enjolras…what are you doing?"

"You guys seen Montparnasse?"

"No why?" Marius asked.

"I'm pretty sure he's taken my jacket…again." I paced up and down my room. My red jacket is like my soul. I am practically nothing without it…and I'm not even joking right now.

"I'm sure he'll give it back."

I snorted. "Sure."

…

Later at lunch…

Everyone sat at the table, wasting the oxygen. Grantaire was in his room, still getting over his little outburst from last night. Eponine was bored out of her mind. Jehan broke the temporary silence. "Did you hear we're getting a new roommate tomorrow, you know, since Feuilly left a couple weeks ago."

"Who is it?" Courfeyrac asked.

"I think his name's Joly. He used to be a medical student. He's really superstitious. He's also obsessed with hygiene and stuff like that. Apparently he positioned his bed with the head facing south and the foot facing north so that at night the circulation of his blood would not be impeded by the great magnetic current between the two poles of the globe."

Enjolras smirked. "'K then."

Five seconds passed by when Cosette skidded into the room and walked over to the table. "Enjolras, we know where your jacket is…you're not going to like this."

**Not much happens but bear with me; I swear to god, it's going to work out.**


	4. insane

**Not proofread**

The next day…

"The new guy's really weird…" Marius stated, taking a sip of his slightly off juice that sat on the table top.

Combeferre was only half listening to what Marius was talking about; the other half of himself was wondering about how much longer he'd be in this place. He'd run all the tests. He'd answered all of their questions. He was an innocent man…so why was he here? "Weird how?"

"Like, he positioned his bed so that the foot is facing south and the boarder is facing north so that when he's sleeping the circulation of his blood won't be impeded by the great magnetic current between the two poles of the globe." Marius snorted. "Like...that's kind of weird."

"You're kind of weird but do I talk about it?" Combeferre said, biting his nail, trying to pass time.

"I'm just saying it's kind of strange for someone to be so superstitious about something that's even not real." Marius said, pouting.

"…Why do you think Cosette always wears that ring Marius? Do you even know?" Combeferre asked.

"Of course I know. It's to protect her from the ones who tried to take her away…"

"In all honesty Marius, do you really think that ring is protecting her in any way?" Combeferre said. Marius shook his head. "Exactly. See, superstition is like a blanket of hope. It's something that you can believe in to make yourself feel safer."

"Do you have any superstitions?" Marius asked.

"One or two." Combeferre admitted. "But it's ok to have superstitions, as long as they remain JUST superstitions." Marius nodded.

…

"I don't have attachment issues." Enjolras mumbled. "Sure, I like the jacket and all that, but I'm not THAT attached to it."

"Well, the doctors think otherwise." Courfeyrac shrugged. "They're keeping it away from you until you get out."

Enjolras was staring into space. No one could really tell what he was thinking. "But that could be months…or years…or decades…I could die in here…" Enjolras started wondering. What if he did die in here? What if he never saw outside the walls of the asylum? What if this was it? What if everyone else was gone and they left him behind and he had nothing in this world for company except the rats and dust and ghosts and- "I want my jacket back."

"There's the attachment. I told you he wouldn't take it lightly." Courfeyrac muttered to Cosette. She shrugged.

"It's just a jacket Enjolras." Grantaire said, only just loud enough to hear.

"It's not just a jacket!" Enjolras said sharply, making Grantaire jump and have a slight moment of panic. Loud noises weren't something he appreciated. He heard them a lot, but they made him uncomfortable…but it made him even more uncomfortable when it was Enjolras that was being loud. "That disgusting filth-covered piece of red cloth was the only thing I had from my life out there. Now I have nothing. They had no right to take that away from me! I'm not their prisoner!"

"…Yes…you are…" Grantaire whispered under his breath.

"What?"

Grantaire dug his nails into his palms. "I said, yes you are." He repeated, slightly louder than his usual tone. "You'll always be their prisoner Enjolras. Let's just face it. Once you step into this asylum, you belong to them. They can drug you, hit you, even poison you if you got annoying. Once you enter this hell, you are no longer a free man. Once you open your eyes, you'll see what this world really stands for. So no, you're not getting your jacket back. Odds are, you'll never get it back, because you're insane, just like me. Just like Cosette. Just like Courfeyrac. Just like everyone in this place. You can't change that."

"You can't tell me what I am, Grantaire. That's for me to decide." Enjolras said, feeling slightly torn between reality and what he wanted to be reality. Enjolras walked passed Grantaire and down the hall to the bathroom where he'd stare at his reflection for an hour or two.

Grantaire wondered if he had hurt him in any way…and if he had, he hadn't meant to. If anything he was trying to help him. Trying to help him get a grip on reality…

…

Combeferre POV

I stood in one of the hallways. One of the rooms with one of those dance studio mirrors plastered onto the wall…

People ask me what goes through my mind…I say my family…friends…my old life…

It was…in June…the thirteenth to be exact…that's why I hate the numbers 6 and 13. 6, because June is the sixth month and 13 because it was the 13th day of the 6th month. 6…13…bad numbers aren't they…

I remember their screams…the blood that was spilt…the pain that rang through my ears…they were good people…they didn't deserve the fate that fell upon them…why them?

My mother…she had a smile that could light up the ballroom at night. My father…he was a jolly chap. He knew the answer to everything. My brothers and sisters…too young to understand…too innocent to understand. The more I think about that night…the more it haunts me…6…13…

No one except for Enjolras and I really know what happened that night…I have tried telling the doctors the truth…but they don't believe me…do you know why I became best friends with Enjolras?

Because he believed my story…he talked me though it…he helped me back onto my feet…no one else knows though…why should I tell you? You're not my friend…I don't even know who you are…who are you?

My thoughts where interrupted when I heard the hall door open and close about five seconds later. I turned around to see little Miss Thenardier…she's rather beautiful…but not in a looks way…I mean…her hair's a mess and her face is always dirty…but her smile is beautiful. Her laugh is like a song I've only heard in my dreams…she reminds me of a young miss I used to know…

"Hi." She said with a smile. "Don't ask me why I'm stalking you. I'm just really bored."

I chuckled. "Yeah…it's easy to get bored in a place like this."

"What are you doing here?"

I turned around towards the wall mirror. "Thinking about stuff..." Eponine nodded. She then noticed a music player that sat on the floor by the edge of the mirror. She walked over to it and bent down to take a closer look. That music player had been there for what…three…four years? It'd basically never been touched. Eponine started pressing random buttons on the player, trying to get some form of entertainment out of it…

Just as I started to doubt it, the music player let out a strangled scratchy noise and then started playing a jazzy kind of dance song from what…2000? Eponine smiled. "I'm an genius!" I laughed. "I know this song. My dad used to play it on those rainy days when we were kids…"

"You miss home?" I asked.

"Yeah…and you?" I couldn't find the words to answer the question. Eponine noticed my discomfort and to my relief said, "Forget it, I said nothing…sorry." Eponine turned her attention back to the music. She then smiled and looked up at me. "Dance with me."

I snorted. "I…don't dance."

"Come on, it'll be fun, and since when do you get to do anything fun around here?" Eponine pulled my hand and lead me towards the center of the room. I laughed again. She took both my hands and interlocked our fingers. She makes me feel a sense of happiness that I've never really felt before…

We started dancing slowly in time with the music…it was nice. It felt calming. "You're the first person who's ever attempted to get that dusty old thing to work."

Eponine grinned. "Well, good for me." Eponine was silent for a moment. She then said, "I can't read you Combeferre."

I twitched my eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm usually really good at reading people. For example, I know that Courfeyrac can be rude, but he's soft and gentle at heart. And Enjolras, he plays this strong fighter kind of act…but I can see that underneath all that anger, he's scared…he's scared of being trapped. Now, when I try to read you…I don't know…I can't tell if this man that I'm dancing with is the real Combeferre. Is it?"

I shrugged. "Maybe…maybe not…perhaps it's just the nice side of me."

"I find it hard to believe that there's a bad side of you."


	5. You

**I haven't proofread through this but I thought I'd post this anyway. Hope it's not too bad. **

Joly POV

Oh god…how many people have been in this room? How many people have sat where I am sitting? How many people have sneezed, coughed or vomited in this room? I'm safe from nothing. Danger. Is. Everywhere.

They took away all my things. How do they expect me to live in this place? There is fungus growing on the side of the walls. Fungus is created by germs and germs are created by OH GOD NO. I think I'm going to pass out. I'm actually going to pass out- "Are you ok?" Jehan asked. "You seem…troubled." Jehan stood at the other side of the room. I sat on my bed (which was positioned diagonally across the room)

"I'm fine…fine…it's just…I have this problem."

"Which is?" Jehan asked, fiddling with the edge of his frayed shirt.

I started rubbing my hands together, nervously, "I…feel uncomfortable. This place is practically a garbage pit and…I mean, I don't have OCD or anything…or maybe I do, I don't know…it's just I don't want to catch something and die."

Jehan laughed. "Trust me, you'll be fine. I've survived almost two years in this place without so much as a cold."

I tried to give a small smile but I think I failed. I stayed silent, mentally deciding how to continue my life in a place such as this…

…

No POV

Enjolras was lying back on his bed, staring up at the plain sealing. Five years…he'd been in this place for five long and painful years. He wasn't sure how he was coping with it…perhaps he wasn't. Perhaps he was slowly breaking down into nothing…like a block of ice sitting in the sun…it slowly melts away into nothing but a puddle…a useless, cold and unholy puddle. Ever since Enjolras arrived in the asylum when he was seventeen, he'd been contemplating the actual meaning of his existence…what was the meaning for his being on earth? Why did he always have a sense of uselessness? Perhaps he didn't have a purpose…or maybe he did... but if he did, there'd be no way to fulfil it in a mental asylum. One word that could sum up all his dreams in the world…

Freedom.

Enjolras' thoughts were shattered when there was a knock at the door. Enjolras sat up on his bed. The door opened and a man in a white coat and black trousers strolled in holding a clipboard and a couple of tablets. Enjolras didn't take tablets…so why was this guy here? He was tall and looked rather old. He wore thick rimmed glasses that sat neatly on his nose. "Julien Enjolras? Patient 54?"

Enjolras tilted his head. "…Yeah."

"Sorry to interrupt your free time, but I'm afraid I've got a few tests to run on you."

"Tests…what tests?" Enjolras asked, confused.

"It's just a simple procedure…please, come with me."

…

"What are you doing?" Combeferre asked. Combeferre stood in the men's bathroom, leaning against the green and yellow tiled wall. Jehan stood by the sink with a small brown bucket, holding it under the sink tap and waiting for it to fill to the brim.

"You know the new guy, Joly. He's uncomfortable with the state of the room, so, Courfeyrac, Marius and I thought we'd give it a bit of a clean." Jehan explained. Courfeyrac grabbed a bottle of shampoo that sat on the edge of the sink and tipped the contents into the water to create a soapy cleaning liquid. Marius also grabbed a couple of soap dispensers that were sitting around the bathroom and emptied the soap into the bucket.

Jehan stared at the soapy liquid and frowned. "It'll have to do. Maybe you should get the girls. They can help us with cleaning."

Suddenly, the door of the bathroom swung open. Grantaire stood there for a moment, trying to catch his breath from running. "Have you guys seen Enjolras?"

…

Enjolras sat in an almost empty room with nothing on the walls but white. Two chairs sat in the center of the room. The one Enjolras was sitting on and the one the doctor was sitting on. Enjolras still had no idea what this was all about…perhaps it was just a check-up. "Right, let's get started shall we. Firstly I'd just like to ask you a couple of questions…What's your full name?"

Enjolras almost smirked…almost. "Julien Alexander Enjolras."

"Ummhmm…" the man wrote something down on the clipboard. Enjolras tried to imagine what the man could be writing. "And how old are you?"

"Twenty-two…but you already knew that."

"It doesn't matter if I know, it matters if you know." The man smiled and Enjolras had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "We're just checking your self-awareness Mr Enjolras. It's nothing to worry about."

"I'm not worried." Enjolras said honestly. The man scribbled something down onto the clipboard and Enjolras bit his lip. "What is all this for?"

"If I told you that then it would affect your behaviour, and of course, that wouldn't be a fare examination." Enjolras mumbled something under his breath. The doctor squinted and scribbled another note down onto the clipboard. Enjolras groaned. The man looked up. "Is there a problem?"

"Honestly…yes. But I won't bother you with my little queries. What's the point anyway? Odds are, you'll just use it against me in the long run."

The man was silent for a moment, then he said, "Mr Enjolras, if there's a problem, I'd like to know."

Enjolras shrugged. "Let's just get this over and done with ok?"

…

"Now that you mention it, this place is kind of…disgusting. I can see why you're uncomfortable here." Jehan said with a chuckle. Courfeyrac, Marius, Cosette and Eponine were helping Jehan scrub up the room. Since their minds were always preoccupied, they never really noticed how unhygienic this place was (not that they cared much). Joly sat on his bed with his knees tucked to his chest. He scanned the room cautiously with his sharp eye.

Cosette and Eponine were on their hands and knees, scrubbing at some stains. It was kind of off-putting that neither Cosette nor Eponine knew what those stains actually were. Nonetheless, they were cleaning for Joly's sake. Jehan, Marius and Courfeyrac were scrubbing the walls with the soapy water Jehan had made a few moments ago. "Cosette, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, as away." Cosette smiled.

"Where'd you get that ring?" Eponine asked. Cosette glanced at her hand. The ring was covered in soap from the scrubbing. Cosette giggled.

"I got it before I came to the house. It was my fathers. He gave it to me when I was twelve. You see, I was a ballet dancer. Dancing was my life. I loved every moment of it…but stepping on that stage was…nerve-racking. I was so scared…that's why my father gave me this ring. He said it would protect me, and that it would help me through life. My stage fright went away." Cosette slipped the ring off her finger and handed it to Eponine.

Eponine held it up to read the silver engraving. _Life is the dance, you are the dance. _ It was a beautiful ring…the only jewellery Eponine ever got was a macaroni necklace Azelma made her five years ago…she still had it though…sitting in her bedside draw…it meant the world to her. "It's really nice." Eponine commented, handing it back to her. Cosette slipped it back onto her skinny little finger.

They continued cleaning. Courfeyrac accidently dropped his sponge next to Eponine, splashing a few bubbles onto her clothes. Eponine jumped a little. "Oh, sorry darlin'." Courfeyrac said as he bent down to pick the sponge up. As he bent down, Eponine saw a glimpse of the small of his back as his shirt went up slightly. Eponine could see inked words printed onto his back, but couldn't read them. She was curious as to what was written there.

Combeferre stepped into the room, his hands shoved in his pockets and his glasses crooked. "Ok, well I just had the most awkward talk with my therapist."

"What's up?" Courfeyrac asked, dropping the sponge back into the soapy bucket.

"Well, my therapist says that there's no point in me going to my sessions. He says it's not working so might as well give up now." Combeferre laughed at himself. "Stupid."

"You ok?" Marius asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh sure. My own therapist basically told me that there's no hope for me. Might as well just kill me now right?" Combeferre cleared his throat. "Where's Enjolras?"

"Um…well Grantaire's looking for him." Jehan said.

"But that was like two hours ago." Marius said, checking the dusty old clock that was five minutes slow. "Should we be worried?"

…

"Do you know why you were put in here, Mr Enjolras?" the doctor asked. Enjolras suppressed a yawn and glanced at his watch. "Do you want me to repeat the question?"

"I was put in here because I was tagged mentally insane."

"Do you know why that was? What actions you performed to cause such punishment?"

Enjolras stared into space and looked at his watch again. The second hand went faster than usual. Perhaps he was just imagining it. Perhaps his life was just ticking too fast. "I caused riots and stuff…"

"And stuff?"

"Yeah…"

The doctor chuckled. "You did a little more than that Enjolras."

"…Can I go back to my room now?" Enjolras asked, a little bitterly.

The doctor shrugged and flipped through the notes that were plastered on the clipboard. "Mr Enjolras, I'll admit, you have improved."

"Improved?"

The doctor nodded. "Your brain seems fully intact, unlike last year where you refused to speak…your behaviour these last few days as been satisfactory…"

"You never told me why I'm even having this examination." Enjolras reminded.

"Enjolras, long story short, we're considering letting you out. We had to run these tests before hand to check everything was in order and…it seems you've passed. We'll keep you under for another week or so and soon enough, we might just be able to send you home." The man smiled.

Enjolras did not return it.


	6. just

**I had writer's block, so sorry I haven't updated this sooner. :(**

**Oh yeah, and just saying, English wasn't my first language, so if there are any mistakes or stuff like that, I apologise. **

**Not proof-read**

(Night fall)

Walking through the empty corridors of the asylum, when all the men and women are fast asleep in their tiny rooms, it'd be so quiet that you could hear a bee buzzing from the other side of the house. Everyone was hanging out in Jehan and Joly's newly cleaned up bedroom. The Amis were feeling rather proud of themselves. Courfeyrac sat shirtless on the edge of Jehan's bed, with his little poet hugging onto him like a teddy bear. Joly sat in the corner of the room with a smile on his face and a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. Eponine had sat down next to Combeferre on the cold cement floor. Without really realising it himself, Combeferre wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a warm side-hug. Eponine was surprised at first, but didn't say anything since it felt rather nice to have the man who always kept himself locked away to be showing some form of affection towards her. Marius and Cosette sat on Joly's bed (which was positioned diagonally across the room). Cosette was trying to clean the dirt from under her nails whilst Marius fiddled with a lock of her silky smooth blonde hair.

Grantaire was leaning against the side of the now washed up wall, playing something on his ukulele. (Something that apparently everyone other than Eponine and Joly knew). The Amis all swayed in time with the catchy music. It was rather familiar in Eponine's mind, but she couldn't put her finger on it. It felt more like a dream than a memory. "How old were you when you got here?" Eponine asked.

Combeferre tapped his fingers against Eponine's shoulder, "I got here when I was fourteen. Grantaire was here before me though. He was the first. I believe he was thirteen years old…mm…I guess I'm rather lucky to have lived the life I have. I mean…look at us. We're not a house of lunatics…we're just a family. We don't need anybody else…so long as we have each other." Eponine looked around. The Amis chatted with each other and laughed at each other's jokes. The room was buzzing with happiness that Eponine had never truly felt before. Even Grantaire was smiling…and I mean, really smiling. Not the kind of smile that you fake for the doctors or the therapists…it was real. "…Eponine, are you part of our family now?"

Eponine shrugged. "I've never really had a proper family."

Combeferre smiled and pulled her closer to him. "Well…you're one of us now, which makes you part of our family." Eponine hummed in agreement, too tired to come up with a good reply. "Just a little heads up Miss Thenardier…we're probably going to be in here for quite some time and…I just wanted you to know that I think you're perfect. I don't care what the doctors say…you're perfect."

"Oh yeah? And what makes me so perfect?"

"You're smart, funny, beautiful, strong, understanding…I could go on forever, but I won't." Eponine turned a light shade of red. She rested her head on his shoulder, and for a moment, she just let the world float in a little bubble of relaxation…letting everything sink in…this place…it wasn't a hell…it was home.

* * *

**Mail Call**

Dear Eponine,

How's everything going down there? Gavroche and I haven't stopped thinking about you ever since we said goodbye. It's not the same without you at home. Why don't you write to us more often! I demand at least one letter every day! We need you here 'Ponine. The sooner you get out of that place, the better. We're looking forward to seeing you again. Oh, I'm getting tears on the paper now. Look what you made me do you doughnut! Now the ink's getting everywhere. Aw, I love you sis, don't forget to write!

Love Azelma xx

* * *

_Three nights later…_

Eponine, Combeferre, Jehan, Courfeyrac and Grantaire were chilling out in the guy's bathroom. They all sat on the cold tiled floor, gathered around a single candle that burned bright in the centre of the diseased room. Jehan was leaning against the edge of the sink, staring down at the tiny flame. Courfeyrac stood next to him with an arm slung over the young poet's shoulder. Eponine and Combeferre sat next to each other, holding hands. Grantaire stood by himself, leaning against one of the green stall doors. The paint on the peeling walls smelt like toxic fumes and the broken doors on the stalls and the smashed mirrors hanging from the walls reminded Eponine of a horror film she saw once…the only warmth and light and joy in that room was the light flicker of Jehan's tiny little candle. The candle sat in a small silver dish. It was about four inches long and wax was dripping down its side. "Why are we in here again?" Eponine asked.

"It's check-up night." Combeferre said, rolling his eyes.

"What's check-up night?" She asked.

"Basically, the doctors take you away for about three hours, giving you jabs and testing on you like you're some kind of animal." Jehan explained. "The only way we can get out of it is if we hide in the men's bathroom. Works every time. No one ever goes into this place."

Eponine clucked her tongue. "Got ya…what about Enjolras, Marius, Cosette and Joly?"

"Enjolras doesn't like the idea of hiding from them. Makes him look weak apparently." Combeferre shrugged. "Joly said something about it being unhygienic to be in here and Cosette refuses to go into the guy's bathroom, and since Cosette isn't going-"

Eponine nodded. "Yeah, I get it, Marius isn't either."

Grantaire was flipping a coin on his thumb, staring at the wall blankly, as though his mind had wondered beyond his body. "Hey, R, you okay mate? You look a little down." Courfeyrac said, scratching his head.

Grantaire shrugged. "Enjolras is broken, and that makes me sad." He spoke slowly and quietly so it was almost a whisper.

Combeferre furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"He's broken…something's wrong with him." Grantaire dropped the coin on the floor. As it hit the ground, a high-pitched clinking noise filled their ears. "He hasn't been talking to me at all. He won't even look at me. He's not eating much…he's not eating anything. He looks half-dead most of the time…he's been broken…my Apollo's gone…" There was a silence through the room.

"You think the doctors got to him?" Eponine asked.

"Nah, the doctors would never be able to break Enjolras." Combeferre said, tilting his head back. "He's too strong to be brought down by a bunch of guys in lab-coats. Enjolras isn't afraid of anything…not even death."

"Actually, that's where you're wrong." Grantaire said with the slightest smirk. "He's afraid of what he doesn't know."

Suddenly, a light gust of wind came through the bared-up window at the top corner of the room. The wind sent the candle flickering, and soon enough it was blown out.

Courfeyrac groaned. "Jesus Christ."

* * *

_Meanwhile, down in Marius' room…_

"So…you're really leaving?" Marius asked. Enjolras shrugged. "Wow…when are you going to, you know, tell the others?"

"I don't know." Enjolras said, leaning back against the bed-frame.

"You should have told Combeferre first…he is your best friend after all."

"No. I'm too close to Combeferre. It'd probably break me into a thousand pieces. I can't tell Grantaire either, I love him too much. He'd probably make me cry. I can't tell Cosette because…she's a girl, and I don't talk about emotional stuff with girls, which also rules out Eponine. I can't tell Joly because I hardly know him. I can't tell Jehan because he can't keep a secret and I can't tell Courf' because he tells Jehan everything, which would result in him telling everyone else…you were the only person I wasn't afraid of telling."

Marius stared wide-eyed at his Ami. "Enjolras…you're insane. You have to tell them."

"I will…" Marius wasn't completely convinced. "I just have a lot of stuff I need to get sorted. I'm under a lot of stress right now."

"Have you thought of going to private therapy? It's actually pretty helpful." Marius suggested.

Enjolras raised an eyebrow. "…Could you not?"

* * *

Eponine scratched the match against the cold stone floor, setting the tip of it ablaze. She gently touched the wick of the candle stick with the flame, setting the candle back to its original glowing state. "How much longer do we have to wait in here?" Eponine asked, blowing the light on the stick out, leaving just the candle alight.

"Keep your voice down." Courfeyrac whispered. "If they hear us we're dead, alright, dead!" Eponine bit her tongue to stop herself from laughing. Jehan pushed himself away from the bathroom sink and carefully tiptoed over to the other side of the room. He cracked the door open the slightest bit. The sound of the door creaking open echoed through the halls of the asylum. He stuck his head out into the darkness and shrugged. He then came back into the room, closing the door behind him.

"I think they're all gone, but we should wait a couple of minutes before we go back to our rooms." Jehan said with a half-smile. There was a moment of silence…it was then broken when Combeferre turned to Eponine.

"You understand me…don't you?" he asked.

Eponine narrowed her brow, "Not sure what you mean by that 'Ferre."

Combeferre looked down. "I…ugh…I don't know, I just get the feeling that when you look at me, you understand everything that goes through my mind…like you can see right through me, into my thoughts."

"Actually it's kind of the opposite to be honest." Eponine said with a half-smile. "I can never really tell what you're feeling. One minute I feel like we've been friends for years…the next it's like I don't even know you. I want to understand you, and believe me, I've tried."

Combeferre blushed a little, which was only slightly visible in the dim light. "Well…I want you to understand me." Eponine sat up a little straighter. _You do? _She thought to herself. "I…I never really open myself to anyone. I never really show my true emotions…I want you to know what goes on inside my mind 'Ponine."

Eponine blinked her eyes. "Why me?"

"You remind me of a woman I used to love, except, she was different. She was insane…and I mean, really insane…she drove me insane. She was the only woman I could open myself up to…she's dead now…it's for the best though." Combeferre hummed, a smile touching his lips.

Courfeyrac raised an eyebrow. "How come you never told us about this woman?"

"Because I didn't want to." Combeferre replied firmly. "I still don't want to…but I want Eponine to know." Eponine couldn't figure out why she was all of a sudden so special to this man. "I promise you, in time, I'll tell you my story…but trust is one thing I don't know how to handle…"

Eponine bit her lip. "I trust you." Combeferre smiled...just smiled.


End file.
